You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
