he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
