Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
