..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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