Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I love having hate sex.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
