So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize