my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
