She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
