i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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