puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
