you guys were way drunker than both of me
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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