I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
