that's an acceptable place to lick
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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