Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Randomize