Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
