ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
