At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
