my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
