He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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