he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
