i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
