please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize