My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
