Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize