I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize
