What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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