I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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