Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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