clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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