I CAN MOONWALK!
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
