I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
