just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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