My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
