I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
