friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
