ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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