I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
