I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize