My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Randomize
