Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
