Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
