If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
