It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Randomize
