Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
