I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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