if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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