I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
it's like iHOP with fire
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
