Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
love makes seman taste better
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
