I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
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