The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
