is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
do herpes really smell.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
