i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
