I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
He had one of those small greek statue penises
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
