Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
