I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
