I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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