Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
