I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
