So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
