i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize