we're making bets on your personal life
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
