everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
