Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Dicks are not precious.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
