Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
