i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
