upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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