so explain again why im purple
no
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize