I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
