You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
