fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
