I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
