Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
