It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
