NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You're like the curious george of whores
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
