Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
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