They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
