Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
No more Irish car bombs ever.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
