Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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