i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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