yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
