i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize