im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
