spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize