I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
