just tell him i said nine months
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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