wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
