Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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