I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
