im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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