Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I wear drunk well.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
