his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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