Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
