On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
