Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
