I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
