my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
