im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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