Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
