i think my tv is drunk
hell yes lets make some ravioli
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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