i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
