she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
