Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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