I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize