i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
